Wednesday, June 20, 2012

There Is No Future. There Is Only Now.

There is no future.

There is only now.

My stomach was in perpetual free-fall, my fingers clenched into my palms and I stared across my room as if a tidal wave were headed right for me. It was so strange, really. Not moments before I had been so happy, so instilled with joy that I thought it'd never end. And yet there there was my problem, so perfectly placed before me.

That the happy moment would end, it would be gone forever and be replaced by something uncertain.

I dove into the memories of days gone by, around the many ups and downs, twists and turns that I'd already gone through in the already half gone year. It was too much, too much for me to try and digest in that single moment and I sighed, allowing myself to brood in the feeling of hopelessness. Hopelessness for a future that had not yet arrived.

To put it simply, I was copying everything that had gone wrong from my previous few months and pasting them into the rest of 2012. And I was doing this more often than I'd like to admit. It was pathetic, it did me no good.

So as I sat there on my bed, lamenting the bitter choices I would have to make with family and friends I looked over at the paper I'd recently pinned on my wall:

"There is no 'good' or 'bad'. There is only the moment and what you make of it".

I stared at it, thinking.

Then I spoke.

"There is no future".

I blinked, realizing how refreshing it sounded. And then I frowned. I knew that it also appeared bleak, as if there was nothing after the moment I was in.

But, strange as it may sound, I couldn't get over how much I liked that notion!

It was as though everything was put into the tiniest perspective possible and I was on this huge mountain overlooking how puny it was! All those problems! All those issues! They didn't matter if there was no future!

There was only now, the moment that I was living in. And I loved it because it was not so overwhelming, not so filled with "what ifs". It was just me, being myself and taking every moment for what it could be: my very last.

Now, every morning as I wake up to greet the day, I have another sign on the wall which greets me with:

"There is no Future, there is only Now."

And I thank my lucky stars that I have Now to live in, to create and mold into whatever I so please.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Check Out The Trailer!

My current pursuit: The lovely 2012 Aljo 162. Photo courtesy of RV Guide
This is what I'm applying for a loan for and this will very shortly be my home. I have searched long, long hours over multiple travel trailer websites looking for the one that could fit my lifestyle and luckily I found a few dealerships in the area that sell it. This particular photo above is a little the door is actually more to the front of the trailer, but it still gives you a pretty good grasp of the trailer's exterior.

This is a bunkhouse travel trailer, the bunks being directly to the left of you as you walk in:

These are the two bunks, I'll be taking the top whilst my awesome roommie will be taking the bottom. You can't see it very well from this angle, but there is a window that opens up on the bottom bunk. Whether it's only supposed to be used as an emergency exit or a super easy way to go outside remains to be seen.

Directly across from the bunk area is the kitchen:

 It really isn't much different from the current kitchen situation my friend and I are in now, but I'll go into that detail later. This seems perfect for the two of us to cook in and I'm planning on painting the cupboards. I'm painting anything that is that brown color really.

 I despise it.

 In fact, I had originally passed up this model because of the colors. Once we actually went to see it we changed our minds and decided it only needed a coat of paint. Yet again, you can't see it from here, but in the far back between the bunks and the kitchen is a door which leads to the bathroom. A simple toilet and shower are in that cramped little corner, but it will do nicely if I keep it tidy.

Finally, in front of both the kitchen and the bunks, taking up the entire front area of the trailer, is the dining area:

 This was one of the comfiest dining areas I'd sat in yet while looking at trailers. We had visited quite a few dealerships and while most areas looked more appealing than this they were near hazardous fitting into. It's because most areas are so packed in and the tables are usually bolted into place or stuck into the ground via a pole. With this one it's set up like you would find an ironing board. So, if you wanted to fold it up and have no table, or make the entire thing into one big bed by fitting the table snugly onto some grooves in the center you could.

And that's my future home! There's definitely more to it than that, but I wanted to go over the bigger areas and since I technically still don't own it I want to wait to make a more thorough post later when I do.

The three interior photos from above are courtesy of South Hill RV.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

And So I Simply Sat

Yesterday was another big day for me, filled with a strange impartiality to the objects I once held so dear. I had another yard sale in the morning, unfortunately it was on a weekend that an event was happening one town over. Thus I didn't do nearly as well as I had the first time I sold my things. It could also have been that I didn't put up any signs either, so...yeah! Alot of it went straight to the "free" pile left out on the sidewalk and then to Goodwill.

It was very strange, though. To look at all those things I'd sworn to myself I'd not part with...or at the very least have a hard time doing so... And see them as they are, simple objects holding me down, keeping me back. It's not that I see them as garbage, but that I realize I do not need them. And because I do not need them I no longer desire them.

It was freedom in the most tangible form I've yet to discover. It was beautiful.

After that I hung out with a friend and we traveled around a recreational area nearby the river. It was so peaceful, so calm. I adored it. I realized that if I hadn't been selling my things and they were all still stuffed into my small home I'd probably be spending my Saturday cleaning them up. Instead I got to hang out with my good friend and after...well...

I sat.

I mean, literally, too. I had just left my friend's house, heading out to get my hair cut until my other friend got off of work when he called to let me know he was just getting off. There was a pillar nearby, completely void of anything on top and comfortably flat. Its cool self was shaded by the many trees along the roadside and so I climbed atop it and looked out.

I soon realized that the freeway exit nearby always had cars getting off and the nearby overpass was also always dotted with a car or two. So I made a small pact. I would not move from that spot until my friend came to pick me up or I could see no moving cars in view.

And so I simply sat as I watched person after person drive on by. Some stared straight ahead, some fumbled with stuff in their car and others talked on their phones. The best times, however, were when people saw me on my pillar top staring right at them as they passed. Some could not, in an awkward way, keep eye contact while others did not want to break their own gaze. I'm glad that the street had such a low speed limit because now that I think of it that could have been a little dangerous!

I sat there, on my pillar, for fifty minutes before I could see no cars in sight.

After that I stood up, stretched, and moved on. It made me put my life into perspective just a little more, to realize that with or without me the world goes on. Instead of making me feel sad it comforted me. It let me know that problems come and they go and that life still continues all the same. I have my choices to make and so does everyone else. I felt more in control of choices.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Taking A Tumble on Trampolines

I love trampolines.

I am on my 8th one.

I have jumped in the rain, I've reached for the skies as hail poured from the heavens and I've fried in the middle of summer and froze in the dead of winter. I've jumped in the middle of the day and at midnight. I've cursed at the heat that burned my toes and raced inside to warm them when I'd slipped and slid on the frozen net.

I love trampolines and now I love them more.

Last year I came across a website that took my immediate interest. Sky High, a warehouse filled with trampolines lined right onto the wall.

The wall! Literally! You can bounce off the walls in this place!

Needless to say, I was thrilled.

And so I set my sights on this magical place and must say it changed my life.

Of course it did, I love trampolines!

It was remarkable, pure bliss as it were. Fellow jumpers both young and old practiced as they stole themselves into the air and came back down, some more agile than others. I saw people first starting their jumping journey as they simply bounced up and down. I myself had to work on the wall bounces lest I twist my ankle.

Yet there were others amongst us, those who commanded the warehouse skies and moved with the music that whisked throughout the walls. It was they whom had my attention, they that flipped over themselves again and again, mocking the very notion of gravity. They twisted and weaved through the air, coming down in splendid stops and at a blink of the eye they were up again.

I have come one step closer to their miraculous movements.

I have perfected the art of landing the front flip!

Yes! It is awesome, it is epic and I can do it, too! What makes this most incredible is that, for the longest time, I was afraid of performing stunts such as this on my own home trampoline. To conquer this fear is to get one step closer to my own self-actualization. I feel invigorated, rejuvenated in my own capabilities and I can't wait to go back to Sky High, the trampoline warehouse, to practice in a larger arena!

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

So I'm Selling My Life

Lifestyle, that is.

I've decided to take a really big leap and try for something I've always admired, but have never had the tenacity to try. Minimalism. I'm pretty sure I've talked about it before, but I've never really fully committed myself to it. After all, going from the crazy prepared person I am to minimalist me is a pretty major leap.

I've realized, though, that having so much stuff in my life doesn't make me happy. It just annoys me. A lot. I go home and I see what I have to put away or clean or dust... Do I want to remember my life cleaning things? I know I'm a wannabe neat freak, but seriously, having an evening ahead filled with organizing stuff I don't often use doesn't sound fun in the slightest.

So here's what I've been doing

I've had a yard sale already and made a pretty penny in the process. I spent a week going through stuff that I just didn't care is to go through the stuff I do hold personal value to.

Now, now, I'm not going to go crazy and just toss everything and regret my actions. I'm doing this in a moderately slow process, only ridding myself of things I haven't used for years. Next are the things I haven't used in a year. And then so on and so forth.

So if I do this right I'll be getting rid of the stuff I really really don't need and keeping the stuff that actually means something to me.

And that's not the only thing I'm up to. Remember last post? Yeah, I know, a while back. Yep.

I really am trying out a whole new lifestyle, bit by bit. And though it's not the uber secret I was hiding last post this one is still moderately neat...

I've set my eyes on the travel trailer I plan to buy and LIVE IN.


That's right! I'm going minimalist for two reasons! One, I'm tired of the extra stuff and two, because I really won't have any room for any of it!

If only my excitement were tangible, it would be bouncing off the walls as much as I am.

So, yes. I'm trying to buy a travel trailer and slowly, but surely my efforts are bringing me closer to my goal. I've done a ton of research and am continuing to do so.

But let me tell you, clearing for a loan is not a simple feat and I've been denied left and right. In a way I feel fortunate for this, because it means I just have to take my time and make sure I'm making the right decision, both trailer wise and living style. At the same time I feel pretty annoyed because I've spent my life buying things with cash and as such have only recently begun using credit.

Still, playing the underdog makes me more invigorated to achieve my objective and makes that objective all the more desirable.